Most of you probably don't know anything about me, I've only been blogging for like a nanosecond compared to a really good friend of mine - and the rest of the world, and she is amazing. I miss her a lot. But, there is one thing that we have in common with each other. We both lost a lot of weight on Jenny Craig. I mean, sure, she is at her goal weight, I am still working on mine, but she looks fabulous and I guess, well, I must admit, I am on my way to looking fab. I guess now that I think about it, she and I have ALOT in common actually. I mean, sure, she has a job in the fashion industry, a hot British boyfriend and she lives in what I am sure has to be one of the coolest cities on the planet, whereas I, still live in the little shit ass town that I have always lived in, am single, boring and I work in an industry that is so far away from fashion that I am not sure what to call it. Did I mention I am still in Utah? The place she left. The bitch. Just kidding, darlin' I love you still.

But really, we do have a TON in common. We are both divorced. Her twice, me once and on my way to the second. Her last EX and my last EX, well, they could have and probably were twins in their other fucked up lives. It all runs so parallel, actually. Its kinda creepy. Our names both start with the same letter, and we grew up literally within 30 miles of each other and what is MORE creepy is that we share the same birthday. And although I have only known her a couple of months, she is probably the funniest person I have ever met. But she always steals my awesome phrases!

Anyway, I don't know why I posted that, but whatevs.

Today Marshelle, Brad and I booked a cruise to Grand Cayman Islands for September 2007. It is so going to rock. Brad said he'd be happy to have two bitches on the cruise, so we are all sharing a room. If those two want to get it on, I'll leave the room for 15 minutes while they set an egg timer and go to work. That should give me time enough for a drink or two in the bar.

Feeling bloated like a mug today, I am sure its all the shit I have been eating lately. Not literal shit, but you get the gist. Working out has kind of taken a back seat to shopping, work and various parties. It seems like December is always chock full of shit to do. Heh. I totally just used the phrase, "chock full". I wonder what exactly a chock is and just how full is chock full?

So, this week has been super busy. My nephew had surgery on his tonsils Tuesday, and I had to take some papers to the courthouse to get shit finalized for my divorce. Today I was really fucking behind at work, considering I had like the whole day off yesterday and so I had twice the work load today. I still have some left over shit to do tomorrow, but its all good. At least the day will pass somewhat quickly if I am busy. There is nothing worse than having nothing to do but surf the net and read blogs all day. How would that shit be? Tomorrow Ive got some kind of sexual harrassment training seminar to go to for work - in which I believe we will be taught how not to sexually harrass someone - but I could be entirely offbase and there may be a possibility that I could be felt up for the first time in months.

Speaking of boobs, I think I need some new bras. But thats completly off topic for now. I also have a nail appt. tomorrow night, after which, my ass will become fused with the couch and I will enjoy one hour of fine television broadcasting. Saturday and Sunday prove to be busy days with a b-day party and girls night out fondue-style. I am going to completely pork out.

Ive never really been the type to feel like I need someone in my life to make me whole. I never thought, "Hmmm, a man would sure complete me". But lately, Ive been lonely. Not in a bad way - well, ok its never fun being lonely - but I think its more of a day to day loneliness. By that I mean, Im not all wishing on stars for some man to swoop into my life and make me happy. I am happy. I am happy with my life pretty much all the time. I have been blessed with health, a great family, faith in a God and the ability and freedom to believe on Him as much as I want. I have looks - although I am no beauty queen , I have never suffered the effects of some horrible accident or something. I am smart, I make a good living and I have pretty much every thing I need as far as monetary things go. I come and go as I please and do pretty much what pleases me.

But...I am so very bored and like I said before, lonely. I have some great friends, most of which are either married, in relationships or living in different parts of the country. But where ever I look its couples. This is not to say that I particularly want to be part of a couple. At the moment anyway. I mean, it would be nice to have someone to hang out with, talk to, be stupid with, and not have to worry about all the drama of relationships, but I thnk its just companionship I crave. Whether from a woman or a man, nothing sexual involved, just having someone to hang out with. Even when its my friends, I am singled out. The third wheel, the single rider, the single girl. My only real escape is reading and watching movies. Working out has its advatages, but one can only work out so much in one day. I have an itch to get started on the basement, but with a renter still living down there, its a bit difficult to pop in any old time and start redecorating the place. A girl at work wants to get together and scrapbook. Do I take her up on her offer? No, I havent yet and why? Because I am lame and I want to do something by myself. Why? I dunno. I am lonely, remember? WTF?

I can see myself getting to know the guys at work and going out to the bar with all of them, but something holds me back. Fear? Probably. Why is that I wonder? Am I afraid to be myself for fear they wont like who that person is? Even having lost nearly 70lbs, I still feel slightly less than worth most activities involving letting my guard down long enough to actually have a good time. So I hang out with no one. I have friends with babies. What do I have? Two dogs and a cat that sheds all over my clothes. My blog. Pathetic. Fuck.